Finders keepers, losers weepers.

Talk about inconsistency. That's me. It's okay. I only come on here for the sole purpose to write off whatever the heart intends. 2021, here we are.   

So I guess that came in unexpectedly. Did I see it coming? Obviously not. It's not even written in my list of priorities. But life works miraculously, don't they? You can plan so much in life, but the perfect Order is already crafted in hand uniquely for you.  I wished I realised this sooner. I guess those were my life tests handed in by Him.

I had planned it all in my head -- so I thought. Work on Plan A, move on to Plan B, then onto Plan C. Just like how and what I've been preparing all along before. You know this like the back of your mind, girlie. It was always my plan to follow such and such in that same exact order. Fool-proof plan. What could go wrong, right? Because everyone did it, and it worked out for them, so should you right? Wrong. (Okay, maybe a liiiiiiiittle right). 

Up,  up, up, down, down, doooooooooooown, hit the bottom pithole, (and thankfully alhamdulillah), up, up and away. And onto exponential progress, I hope it continues. -- I guess this is how I would describe the ongoing events in my life so far, going in 7 months close this year. The takeaways from these have definitely humbled me down to the core. I have never felt like I needed Him and His Guidance so much and so ever in life. It's these untradeable experiences I remind myself from time to time of my Purpose in Dunya.

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First Class Honours. Disclaimer, it did take a toll on my mental health.

Did something I regret & not proud of.

Gained a family in a foreign land, but, I lost myself completely in my homeland.

Rejections. 7 to be exact. Broke me to the core. Been my dream job since small.

Lonely, empty, and pulled a fake façade.

Comparisons. 

Crying at least  3-5 hours a day, nonstop. For several months.

Loathed myself and questioned why me. Repeatedly everyday, routinely.

Existential crisis and on the brink.

Lost so much weight, unhealthily.

Immobility, corruption, and 11k cases daily.  And it keeps going higher.

But,

Managed to (re)find Him in the midst of all this.

Surrendered myself wholly and gave my all to Him and trusting the process.

Reconnected with loved ones. (But I lost some too).

Jabbed my AZ, with my whole fambam.

Actually acquired so, so, so many new hobbies.

Regretfully succumbed as a Shopee addict.

Working out and having a cardio routine.

Secured an unexpected job offer at XX Bank. He gave me more than what I wanted even. 

And you. A finders keepers.

TLDR; Don't let expectations & future scenarios take over you. You do what you can, with what you have now. And comparisons. Don't. Ever. Let. That. Get. Into. Your. Head. It is the killer of joy. Little wins are still wins. Plus, mistakes and failures are fineeeeee too. There will inevitably be bumps in the journey. Not knowing everything is alright and deffo no biggies. Imperfection is perfection, Take it a step at a time. And everything will be alright. 

After all, 22 is all about being "... happy, free, confused, and lonely at the same time" kan?